What I Don't Want

I tend to sit quietly at the lunch table at work. Most of my coworkers are middle-aged and their conversations generally follow experiences that I don't have much input on. Along the lines of kitchen remodeling, car payments, house-flipping, and such. Just haven't "been there, done that." :)

The other day one woman was talking about the nerve of her husband to want a new truck two years into making payments on the last. Her words:
"I told him no. Definitely not... not unless he could find one that is the same monthly payment we are making now for the same number of months. He'll never find one."
She got up and left the table. The others exchanged knowing smiles and one spoke up:

"Yeah. He'll get his truck tomorrow."

"What?" I asked. "She sounded pretty definite...?"

"Oh, you don't know her husband. He gets whatever he wants and she pays for it. One time she told him not to buy a snowmobile and he bought six."

Sure enough, the next day the same woman came in and said, "Well, he bought the truck."

She looked directly at me and said "When you get married, make sure it's a man who will support you! Men just want us to make money for them to spend!"

Make sure it's a man who will support you... At work they call me a "lifer," my coworkers think they will marry me off and I will take my maternity leave for each child and come back after three months. They joke about me being there "forever!" They don't know that I have other ideas...

I honestly don't know where my Lord will have me in ten years, but I know for sure what I don't want.

I don't want to drop my kids off at daycare every morning and head off to work. I don't want them to cry for someone else when they get hurt, I don't want to miss out on their first steps and first words because I was on "another day, another dollar."

I don't want to argue with my husband over which one of us has to call in to take a child to the doctor. I don't want to frantically dial babysitter's numbers on a snow day because I just can't call in and end up missing the perfect attendance breakfast. I don't want any of that.

I don't want to be so stressed and frustrated from my day at work that I have nothing left to soothe my husband's stress away when he comes home. I don't want to divide up the household chores evenly between us. I don't want to be so backed up on laundry and dishes and housework that it's all I can think of once we are both home.

I don't want to convince myself that a second income is necessary because car payments and expensive vacations take priority over my family. I don't want to debate over whether I want another child because it would take so much time away from work.

I don't want my kids to remember me as not being there. I don't want school teachers to have more of an influence than I have. And while I'm on the subject, since I want to home educate, I don't want school teachers either!

That's what I don't want. And my latest working experiences haven't changed my mind. Whenever my coworker's little girl calls, and she picks up the phone and snaps "Well, whaddaya want. Can't. I'm at work." I think how I don't want that.

I just don't.

I think that our culture is irresponsible with money. We get on the plastic habit, end up in debt, and need a second income to pay it off. And what about the woman in the story I opened with? Well, I feel that when wives work, it takes away the husband's value as the provider and breadwinner. He is disillusioned and without a purpose, whether he realizes it or not. And, yeah, we're human; so why not just slide into irresponsibility and let your wife pay for everything? I mean, you're just not needed in the money making department so much anyway.

I'm not saying it's wrong to help out when it is necessary. I'm not saying a woman shouldn't be prepared to work if needed. I'm not saying education and training are pointless for a woman either. I'm currently working on my bachelor's degree in accounting. I may use it immediately, I may not, but since I am single it's not something that will allow my family's needs to slide in the meantime. And it's there if and when I need it.

Some say being a homemaker shows a lack of ambition. I disagree. To me there is no higher ambition than that of bringing up children in the "nurture and admonition of the Lord." And none higher than that of helping a man to further His kingdom.

That's what I want.