Joy in His Presence

Back Again,

2008-05-19T18:56:00.004-04:00

Well if I haven't lost my entire readership... ;)

I would deserve it at this point too...

So I dropped off the blogging world for two months... ;) Now, finally, I'll be picking up on my other blog. And this blog will become an archive.

After this, you'll find me at http://atnighthissong.blogspot.com/

And now you ask; "Why two blogs?"

A legitimate question. :)

I actually started the Song in the Night blog because of a verse that spoke to me. After that, I had different "goals" for my two blogs. I intended for this blog to be more personal as far as "daily life" and the Song in the Night blog to be personal as well but more in the way of spiritual progress. Now the two will be merged. And it rather makes sense to me as well, because we are told "whatever you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

So the routine, mundane day-to-day life can and should speak of His glory as well. Life should be LIVED in a way that brings Him glory, we should never think that we are only lifting Him up when we are in church or consciously studying His word. A quotation comes to mind, I think it was A. W. Tozer who said after a particularly convicting sermon: "Don't come up here to the altar and cry about it, go home and live it!"

It's true.

So I'll be back. It's a different location, but the same journey with the same Author of Joy - who gives us songs in the night.

:)

Quick Update

2008-03-19T18:56:00.003-04:00

Just FYI... I need to take a blogging break for a month at least. I've enjoyed blogging, it's fun and I like to write, but I've been very busy lately and need to concentrate on other things. It's all in the priorities. :) I may pick it up later on, I'm not sure yet where this will go. But meanwhile, rather than just "disappear" I thought I would give the heads up. :) I will probably post an update in a month or so on whether or not I will continue blogging. I have very much appreciated all of your encouraging comments! Thank you for reading my blog! :)

God bless,
~Jen

SPRING! (It's coming... :) )

2008-03-15T12:00:00.003-04:00

I always get so excited when I feel the first hints of spring. Yesterday was warm and sunny, and I had to announce to everyone I encountered that SPRING was coming. Just in case they hadn't noticed for themselves. ;) Something like this:

"SPRING is coming! Did you notice? Can you tell? It's warm out! And muddy! And the snow is melting! Oh, and did I tell you it's almost spring?!?! Oh, oh, isn't it NICE out? See! See! Spring is coming!"

:-D What can I say? :)

Now I know mud season comes first, but I welcome that too because it means the winter is coming to an end. Winter is beautiful too, but it just doesn't have the excitement spring has! Not to mention the fact that winter means cold... :)

I was looking at my old posts and found the following written March 28 a year ago. I don't think anything has changed, really! ;)

"Lo! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves is heard in our land."
-Song of Solomon 2:11-12

I just love spring! It's my favorite season. I like summer too but it just doesn't have the thrills that spring has. It's when the sun comes out after depriving us all winter long, it's when the snow melts - slowly, a little more each day. The crocuses come out, the daffodils begin to poke their heads out of the snow, and it's warm out!

It just energizes me and makes me realize that I can stick it out through the rest of the semester. I'm so glad that He gave us seasons. The winter sometimes seems so long you can't see the end of it... but He always sends spring. And it's His timing, not necessarily when I would want it. I might plead for spring in the middle of a cold dark January - but He sends us spring in His own timing... which is always perfect.

We are familiar with what Solomon says about a time for everything
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."
-Ecclesiasties 3:1
It's easy to remember this, it's harder to always keep in mind that all of our times and seasons are in His control.

"But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in your hands."
-Psalm 31:14-15

All of my times and seasons are in His hand - and that's the safest place for them. :)

Don't Let Me Miss It...

2008-03-11T20:30:00.004-04:00

I love this song:

I've been so very tired lately. Every day I look for signs of spring; I'm longing for it. At the end of a long difficult winter the hope of spring is so refreshing... especially since it usually comes at the end of a stressful semester! I am looking ahead, wistfully, but right now the season (and the weather!) is still winter. And I am living in the present. I don't want my exhaustion and down moods and wishes and burnout to cause me to miss out on savoring life now. I want to live life to the hilt... even in a long cold winter. I want to seize opportunities, and I want to enjoy the ones that may not be there later on. I'm in a season that is fleeting, and I refuse to allow myself to slowly drag through what is left of it. There's more to life than that.

No, I don't want to miss the glory. I'm tired, yes. I'm ready for spring, yes. But this cannot keep me from adding my voice to that of all creation praising to the honor of His name. With His strength, I won't miss it.

"Don't Let Me Miss the Glory"

-Carl Cartee

"In the view from the mountains

There's a story to be told
In the crashing of the ocean
There's a power that no man will ever hold.
All the stars in the heavens

Decorate your handiwork
And like a mighty choir

They come to celebrate Your work

Don't let me miss the glory
Don't let me miss the praise
That all creation is singing
To the honor of your name

Don't let me miss the wonder
Don't let me miss the grand design
In the lightning and the thunder
Lord, open up my eyes
Don't let me miss the glory

The cry of a baby
The laughter of love
In the dance of the faithful

You will find the greatness of our God above
In the prayer of the righteous
In the beauty of your grace
In a brand new morning's mercy
All your memories of my sin have been erased

Don't let me miss the glory
Don't let me miss the praise
That all creation is singing
To the honor of your name

Don't let me miss the wonder
Don't let me miss the grand design
In the lightning and the thunder
Lord, open up my eyes
Don't let me miss the glory"

Toddler Logic -- And Cookies! ;)

2008-03-07T17:18:00.006-05:00

Let me recreate a recent conversation with Kevin:

Kevin sees Jen mixing dough: "Are you making cookies?"

Jen: "No, it's apple pie."

Kevin: "Well why not cookies?"

Jen: "Because we have apples to use today."

Kevin: "Well, THEN can you make cookies?"

Jen:"Not today, I'm already making pie today."

Kevin: "Oh." *big sigh* "I love it."

Jen: "You love what? Cookies?"

Kevin: "No, apple pie."

Jen, surprised at his change of tune: "Oh, good."

Kevin: "Why are you making apple pie?"

Jen: "Because Kevin likes apple pie and I like Kevin."

Kevin: "Oh." *short pause* "Well I don't."

Jen: "You don't like apple pie?!?!?!"

Kevin: "Nope. Don't like it. I LOVE it!"

*very long pause*

Kevin: "So, how 'bout NOW make cookies?"

We went round and round and up and down this conversation - oh yes! ;) Toddler logic, must love! And with all this talk of cookies I've had this Veggie Tales' song running through my head:

"Larry: `Oh, Santa! I can`t wait for you to come, I just can`t wait for you to come, and I`ve got cookies! Two yummy cookies! Just for you for when you come, oh me, for you for when you come ... BECAUSE IT'S CHRISTMAS!`"

And when warding off a pillaging viking:

"Larry: `I don`t have land ... I don`t have crops, my viking friend, but I have cookies--two yummy cookies. And I don`t have horses, but please take this my viking friend. Eat one of these my viking friend. They are for Santa, but you may have one.`"

I'm taking some cues from Kevin and Larry and when I'm running late to work I bring cookies! "I'm late -- but I have cookies!" I announced one day, with Larry the Cucumber's cookie song running through my head. I DID refrain from singing it for them. :) Perhaps next time.

And now, I'm going to make cookies. For Kevin, and the rest of my family, and not to mention that it is useful to have cookies in case of random bank robbers and pillaging vikings -- you never know when one might show up!

Content; Not Satisfied

2008-03-05T21:36:00.002-05:00

"Don't settle for good enough. There is more to this life than the status quo."

"And I—in righteousness I will see your face;
when I awake, I will be satisfied
with seeing your likeness."
-Psalm 17:15

A link to an article from YLCF that inspired me today. I am content - but I know how much I want more. More of His likeness, more of His joy, more of His love. I want more passion, I want more determination, I want more resolute energy, I want more focus. I think I just want more of Him...

because I see every day how much I need Him.

And, on another note:

Today is my sister Christina's 16th birthday!! :) Christina competes with her brothers in backyard hockey, is a 4-H horse bowler at the national level, helps me direct the children's choir at church, and is taking 2 college classes in addition to her 10th grade homeschool curriculum this year. (That was just an aside from a older sister :) )

Happy Birthday Christina!

What I Don't Want

2008-02-27T16:49:00.005-05:00

I tend to sit quietly at the lunch table at work. Most of my coworkers are middle-aged and their conversations generally follow experiences that I don't have much input on. Along the lines of kitchen remodeling, car payments, house-flipping, and such. Just haven't "been there, done that." :)

The other day one woman was talking about the nerve of her husband to want a new truck two years into making payments on the last. Her words:
"I told him no. Definitely not... not unless he could find one that is the same monthly payment we are making now for the same number of months. He'll never find one."
She got up and left the table. The others exchanged knowing smiles and one spoke up:

"Yeah. He'll get his truck tomorrow."

"What?" I asked. "She sounded pretty definite...?"

"Oh, you don't know her husband. He gets whatever he wants and she pays for it. One time she told him not to buy a snowmobile and he bought six."

Sure enough, the next day the same woman came in and said, "Well, he bought the truck."

She looked directly at me and said "When you get married, make sure it's a man who will support you! Men just want us to make money for them to spend!"

Make sure it's a man who will support you... At work they call me a "lifer," my coworkers think they will marry me off and I will take my maternity leave for each child and come back after three months. They joke about me being there "forever!" They don't know that I have other ideas...

I honestly don't know where my Lord will have me in ten years, but I know for sure what I don't want.

I don't want to drop my kids off at daycare every morning and head off to work. I don't want them to cry for someone else when they get hurt, I don't want to miss out on their first steps and first words because I was on "another day, another dollar."

I don't want to argue with my husband over which one of us has to call in to take a child to the doctor. I don't want to frantically dial babysitter's numbers on a snow day because I just can't call in and end up missing the perfect attendance breakfast. I don't want any of that.

I don't want to be so stressed and frustrated from my day at work that I have nothing left to soothe my husband's stress away when he comes home. I don't want to divide up the household chores evenly between us. I don't want to be so backed up on laundry and dishes and housework that it's all I can think of once we are both home.

I don't want to convince myself that a second income is necessary because car payments and expensive vacations take priority over my family. I don't want to debate over whether I want another child because it would take so much time away from work.

I don't want my kids to remember me as not being there. I don't want school teachers to have more of an influence than I have. And while I'm on the subject, since I want to home educate, I don't want school teachers either!

That's what I don't want. And my latest working experiences haven't changed my mind. Whenever my coworker's little girl calls, and she picks up the phone and snaps "Well, whaddaya want. Can't. I'm at work." I think how I don't want that.

I just don't.

I think that our culture is irresponsible with money. We get on the plastic habit, end up in debt, and need a second income to pay it off. And what about the woman in the story I opened with? Well, I feel that when wives work, it takes away the husband's value as the provider and breadwinner. He is disillusioned and without a purpose, whether he realizes it or not. And, yeah, we're human; so why not just slide into irresponsibility and let your wife pay for everything? I mean, you're just not needed in the money making department so much anyway.

I'm not saying it's wrong to help out when it is necessary. I'm not saying a woman shouldn't be prepared to work if needed. I'm not saying education and training are pointless for a woman either. I'm currently working on my bachelor's degree in accounting. I may use it immediately, I may not, but since I am single it's not something that will allow my family's needs to slide in the meantime. And it's there if and when I need it.

Some say being a homemaker shows a lack of ambition. I disagree. To me there is no higher ambition than that of bringing up children in the "nurture and admonition of the Lord." And none higher than that of helping a man to further His kingdom.

That's what I want.

Not Tolstoy, Still Priceless

2008-02-22T21:47:00.009-05:00

Kevin asked me to read to him tonight. So I read to Kevin (almost 4) and Anne (8). Thankfully I learned years ago that it just doesn't pay to be too picky about the quality of the books you read to a toddler. I mean, you just can't get past those overly-simple-repetitive-Dick-and-Jane-style classics.

For instance, tonight Kevin picked out three books.

Clifford Barks
The Bear Detectives and the Missing Pumpkin
&
Twas the Night Before Christmas

I added one book of my choosing to the list; The Three Snow Bears (I love Jan Brett! :) )

Clifford Barks was very closely along the lines of "Clifford barks at the flowers, Clifford barks at the trees, Clifford barks at the people, Clifford barks at the bees."

'Nuff said. I shall only add that it wasn't my first choice... ;)

Twas the night before Christmas - Kevin learned a new word from this one. Plump. He asked me what it meant. I said it meant chubby. He then asked; "Am I chubby?" "Are you chubby?" I answered "no" to each question. Then (because the term must apply to someone) he stated firmly, "Anne is chubby." I think that statement resulted in this picture:

I also learned something from that book that I didn't remember from the poem before...

Apparently...

Santa smokes. Ahem.

And I quote:

"The smoke from his pipe he held tight in his teeth,

and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath."

Ah for positive role models... :-D

Oh, and the bear detectives.

"Aha! You've found a pumpkin leaf,

Just show me where

you found this leaf

Then I will find the pumpkin thief."

Yeah, enough of that one too. Let's just say I'm not crazy... yet. ;)

Then we pulled out the camera and started taking pictures. Oh, and Kevin is very camera trigger happy, and he wanted to take pictures of himself making fish faces, and of the floor, and of -- my feet.

I'll spare you. :)

The Snow Bears book was my favorite. It was Goldilocks told with polar bears in Alaska. The most "classic-y" one, and I prefer classics.

No, they weren't in depth. Not even close. None of the books were terribly brilliant or inspiring or mind-developing. Actually some verged on being, well, annoying.

That's not the point. :)

Rather, it was a moment, and now a memory, and it's only once and it's just TOO MUCH FUN!

A Verse and a Thought

2008-02-08T22:40:00.000-05:00

"Be anxious for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 4:6-7

"Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means. The Lord be with you all."
-II Thessalonians 3:17

"In returning and rest shall ye be saved, in quietness and confidence shall be your strength."
-Isaiah 30:15

I know, I've been very sporadic. No excuse really, but to be honest I have been struggling. I am thankful when He impresses His words on my heart. I believe there's a greater purpose behind our struggles, and He uses circumstances and situations to renew us spiritually and bring us back to Him. Easy to forget, painful to remember, but the end is priceless. I'm trying to hold onto this.

Oatmeal Whoopie Pies

2008-01-22T11:13:00.000-05:00

Oatmeal Whoopie Pies

2 cups brown sugar

3/4 cup shortening

2 eggs

1/2 tsp. salt

1 tsp. baking powder

3 tbsp. hot water

1 tsp. baking soda

2 1/2 cups flour

2 cups oats

Beat together brown sugar, shortening, eggs, salt, and baking powder. Mix water with baking soda, stir in. Add remaining ingredients. Drop onto ungreased cookie sheet and bake at 350 F for 8 - 10 minutes until puffy and slightly browned.

Filling-

3 cups powdered sugar

1/4 cup shortening

1/4 cup milk

1 tsp. vanilla

Beat all frosting ingredients together until fluffy. Add more powdered sugar or milk if necessary for consistency. Frost the bottoms of half the cookies and top with another cookie.

This recipe originally came from an Amish/Mennonite cookbook. Supposedly the name comes from the fact that children shout "Whoopie!" when they are baked. :)

My family doesn't shout when I make cookies, but they do disappear quickly! :) It takes a lot of cookies to feed this crowd! :)

What I've been up too... :) the Job Search

2008-01-21T12:27:00.000-05:00

I started to type in the title for this post and it popped up as one I had used before. Well I think it's sufficient, if not original. :) I did add on to the title. Slightly more original.

So, (obviously) I'm searching for a job now, and I had three interviews last week, which multiplied into five interviews including follow-ups. Amazing that I had follow-ups, since my interview skills seem to be declining.

Maybe not exactly declining. I never really needed interview skills before, since my other jobs were for people whom I knew well. In both cases I was asked to work, decided to take the job, and ended up filling out all the application and reference paperwork solely for records after being hired. There was that one time that I *accidently* applied at a trucking company and went in for an interview anyway - but that's a different story. :) (Yes, apparently for me it's possible to *accidentally* apply for a job somewhere... :) )

I thought that my first interview last week went very well, (considering) - until I reflected on my specific answers to questions. Namely; sick time. I was asked how often I called in sick at my previous job. Without thinking, I responded: "Well, the first year I almost never called in sick. The second year I called in fairly often."

Yes, I actually said that in a job interview! Oh, and by the way, "fairly often" is translated as a) twice I had a doctor's note to take me out of work and school, once for a week, once for a day; and b) I called in maybe three other times and went to work many other days that I perhaps could have called in. (It was an odd year.) However, calling in at all was frowned on at my old job, so the number of times I did it probably got translated in my mind as a "fairly often" which came out at the most appropriate time. :)

Anyway, the lady who was interviewing me said "Well, we don't like people to call in here. It causes others to have to cover for them." Well, I didn't expect them to like it, really. It seems as if it would be odd if an employer liked people to call in. Needless to say; I didn't get called back for a follow-up for that job.

The second job was for a nice small town family business, who were specifically looking for a long-term employee. A long-term employee who wanted to work part-time at that specific job for the rest of his or her natural life. A nice job for an older retiree, really. Because of my age, they were very cautious to make sure of the fact that I wanted part-time work - forever. Enough said.

Oddly enough I was not nervous about any of the interviews. I felt qualified and fairly confident, in spite of my blunders. But it was the last interview that I was the most at ease with. Perhaps too much at ease. Again, I felt good about the interview until I reflected later on, and realized some things that I perhaps should NOT have said.

They asked me if I have a good sense of humor and I told them how we would relieve tension at the flower shop by inhaling helium and talking or singing. (It makes your voice all high-pitched and funny sounding. They (my interviewees) did laugh. Perhaps painfully. Then they asked how I handle callers and compaints of the more nasty type. I told them that I just grit my teeth and get sweeter and sweeter as I become more annoyed but since I am convinced of my superior intelligence and handling capabilities it keeps me from ever loosing it. Again they laughed. Maybe more painfully, maybe sincerely - it's hard to tell. Throughout the whole interview I talked constantly, odd for me, and laughed at maybe too many opportunities. Than they asked what my weaknesses are...

I said that I'm told I don't talk enough. Yeah.

I'm still waiting to hear from any and all of the job opportunities. Meanwhile, if a lesson comes out of this for me I think it's the fact that God works in spite of us. Or me. Thankfully.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose."
-Romans 8:28

They work together for good in spite of me. Even when I happen to be in the way, or in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong response. My blunders CAN be turned around.

I think it's definitely work a long sigh of relief.

And anticipation. :)

Hymns and Choruses

2008-01-07T14:49:00.000-05:00

Yesterday after church was dismissed I was confronted by a familiar older lady.
"I have a complaint!" was her firm greeting in the form of an announcement.
I smiled and mentally prepared for a hymns versus choruses rant. This lady was notorious for intensely disliking choruses and not afraid to say it. Although; funny, it couldn't be... it was hymn Sunday. What could her "complaint" be today?

"WHY is the piano so LOUD? CAN you explain it to me?"

Very surprised, I exclaimed; "Too loud? Is it really?"

"YES. It is MUCH too loud."

Grasping for words, I replied, "Well, I'm surprised it is loud because it has rather a heavy touch compared to other pianos... it might be the acoustics of the sanctuary...?"

"Well. Isn't there a soft pedal? USE IT." She spoke firmly and did not smile.

Meanwhile I tried not to smile. Usually I am rather thin-skinned, but for some reason this lady never seems to "get to" me. I know she means well, she just has a rather odd way of showing it. Not to mention that I hadn't even played piano that Sunday to start with; so it really wasn't anything I had done.

The worship director appeared at that moment. Distracted, the lady stared at him.

"And are YOU the one who always picks THOSE CHORUSES?" Accusingly.

"Well" he said smoothly "when it's my week to lead."

"WHY do we sing the SAME THING OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN??"

Thus it began... again. :)

Here we go again. The ageless hymns versus choruses debate. And to be honest; I really don't get the controversy. I have a confession to make: I like both hymns and choruses. Yes; read BOTH. Even TOGETHER, perhaps. :) Am I very strange, and quite alone in this?

I hear it from both sides. "Hymns are soooo sloooowwww. And soooo boring. Why must we sing hymns?" "And CHORUSES! Why, choruses are redundant, and have no solid foundation. They are meaningless words that say nothing and are only an excuse to incorporate a drum beat."

In my church, we attempt to please both crowds. We alternate between a praise team/choruses Sunday and a traditional hymn/piano only Sunday. My question; am I the only one who wonders if segregation is unnecessary? I wonder, why can't we have hymns included in the praise team, or choruses on the piano Sunday. Is each worship/music style limited to the songs traditionally associated with it?

What is really here important anyway?

I think it is imporant to evaluate the words we are singing. Is the new fun chorus (or old, traditional hymn) making sweeping statements that we are not really prepared to follow up on in our lives? Do we really mean what we are singing? Also, is there meaning in what we are singing. Is it more than a string of words that sound good, but can't be defined as "worship?"

Honestly, I think the hymns/choruses debate can be funny. Here is a funny satire that I often think of when the hymns and choruses debate is brought up. :) Disclaimer: it involves cows. :)

Yeah, I think it's funny, and sometime sad, but also mind-boggling, because I just don't identify with it most of the time. I like both styles. :)

Back to my story; the lady continued with her popular "choruses are awful" dialogue, and then we went our separate ways. Later that day, she called me.

"Jennifer, I just wanted to apologize for what I said today. I did not mean to be overly critical, and I'm sorry if I sounded that way."

How sweet! I told her it wasn't a problem, (and I thought I had found a new friend). :) Then she asked me:
"By the way; who was THAT MAN who was talking to us?"

"Oh, the song leader?"

"Was THAT him? He's the one who pickes the choruses? Well. I won't be apologizing to him. I MEANT what I said to him!"

:)

Ah, life. And people. And opinions. Thank God for variety - even in music! :)

More of Passion - and the New Year Without Mistakes

2008-01-02T13:38:00.000-05:00

Wow, it has been a long time. :)

The past month has sped by in a blur of cramming, finals, long coveted graduation, and then right into Christmas with cookie baking, shopping, gift-wrapping and family time. Not to mention the continual and thus far unsuccessful job search. :) It seemed as if as soon as I was finished with school Christmas was upon us. There was not an end to the fast-paced, busy and exhausted scheme of things.

My blog was not the only thing that got lost in the shuffle. I recently realized that there were several friends I had neglected for weeks. I called three people in a row to see how they were doing, and apologized for being so out of it. I have this feeling that I have had my head buried in the sand, and I am just now pulling it out and blinking at what I have missed. :) Crazy? Maybe, but that's the feeling I have! :)

My last post recognized that I was missing passion, but even with this recognization I passed the following month in a blur - and not a passionate one. More of a "necessary-must-to-have-to" blur.

I like how New Year's follows Christmas - our "resolutions" are often neglected quickly, yet it's a fresh new year with endless possibilities and another chance to "do things right." :) I also like how Anne Shirley says "Tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it." I always seem to make mistakes at Christmas! But the Christmas coming has no mistakes in it yet. :) I have another chance next Christmas to a) think ahead b) take some time to relax c) NOT choose the wrong shipping d) not neglect the essentials, carefully weighing what is necessary and what can be done without; and, most importantly, e) reflect on His precious gift.

Christmas is only one example, and it comes at the end of the new year. The whole year is a chance to love Him more deeply, to follow Him more closely, to glorify Him more fully, and to obey Him more perfectly. I don't usually make specific "resolutions" in fact I was never overly fond of the word; but I know one thing: that I don't want this year of my life to be wasted. I want to be infused with passion! I don't want to live a mediocre Christian life. I want to serve Him - passionately.

"But whatever you do, find the God-centered, Christ-exalting, Bible-saturated passion of your life, and find your way to say it and live for it and die for it."
-John Piper

I think this quote sums up what I could say much better than I could ever say it. :) A passion worth having is worth both living for and dying for. My blurred lifestyle as a past trend isn't necessary to hamper the "living" of what is ahead.

What is your passion?

Passionless Comfort

2007-11-26T20:37:00.000-05:00

I walked in my statistics class today only to find that it was a study day. Meaning we could study in class. Or study out of class. Or proceed at our own risk in any other direction.

I chose the latter. :)

Funny, but I can't seem to study unless, a) I am perfectly comfortable and not sick, b) distractions are minimized c) I am in my own house - preferably propped up with pillows on my bed, and d) a cup of hot herb tea is comfortably sitting beside me. Add to these e) I need frequent breaks in the form of spots of idleness in order to refocus.

Yes. I'm serious.

Apparently comfort is a high priority for me these days.

Comfortable I am. Disciplined and focused I am not. What is wrong with this picture?

Thinking about how I need to discipline myself in my studies reminded me of how we are called to be "uncomfortable Christians." It's a thought that is often passed over, but the examples we are called to follow in the scriptures were followers who were radical, passionate, firm, and unnervingly uncomfortable.

How different from our typical boxed in Christian expectations. We are comfortable with our Christianity. We are comfortable going to church on Sundays, it's so much a part of our routine that we don't even need to add it to our jam-packed schedules. We are comfortable keeping up our end of a Christian conversation. We are comfortable praying out loud, and saying "God bless you;" in safe, comfortable settings of course.

Yeah. The comfort is definitely there, but what happens to the passion? What drove John the Baptist to the desert to live on locusts and in camel hair? Doesn't sound too comfortable to me... neither does the idea of being jailed and persecuted; a real threat to many Christians who don't have the same luxury of "comfort."

Yet He promises if we give up comfort for Him, He will be our source of comfort Himself.

"For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."
-2 Corinthians 1:5

I think that if we step out of our comfort zone and our "comfortable Christian" lifestyle, He who comforts us will keep His promise to preserve our lives, and His real comfort will be present in the form of His unfailing love.

"Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones."
-Isaiah 49:13

Stepping out of a too comfortable routine takes courage, yet what kind of a reward is merited with a lack of risk?

Uh huh. I need to work on my study skills, but at the same time, I would like to be open to stepping out of my entire "comfort" routine in order to follow Him more fully.

Hmm, I wonder if one can become "overly comfortable" with "discomfort." ;) I shall have to ponder this next... :)

Thank you Oh my Father

2007-11-21T21:58:00.000-05:00

“We often forget the Source from which the blessings of fruitful years and healthful skies come … No human wisdom hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God … I therefore invite my fellow-citizens in every part of the United States … to observe the last Thursday of November as a day of thanksgiving and praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens."
-Abraham Lincoln

Psalm 17:15

2007-11-13T12:35:00.001-05:00

"And I—in righteousness I will see your face;
when I awake,
I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness."

I saw something beautiful...

2007-11-12T11:33:00.000-05:00

A young man kneeling at the church altar
An aging elder, with a four footed cane
Slowly, with difficulty making his way up the aisle
Jerky movements, yet steady progress
Painfully settling beside the young man
To pray with him

I saw something beautiful

The Lord is Able to Make Him Stand

2007-11-04T13:53:00.001-05:00

"Therefore, let anyone who thinks that he stands...

...take heed lest he fall." I Corinthians 10:12

"And he will stand,

for the Lord is able to make him stand. "

-Romans 14:4b

Photographer Debut (And I don't mean me)

2007-10-29T16:11:00.000-04:00

This is Kevin. Kevin is three.

Kevin has recently developed an obsession with cameras, and pictures, and using a camera to take pictures. He wanted to take a picture, and my seven year old sister Anne and I decided to take advantage of this and attempt to get our picture together.

Key word - attempt.

at·tempt –verb (used with object)
1.
to make an effort at; try; undertake; seek: ex. The stubborn determined three year old attempted to take a picture without murdering either the camera or his sisters

Well the results were funny, and I have wanted to post them now for a couple of weeks.

This was Take One -

Not quite, but of course it takes practice.
Getting closer, almost but not quite! Next he got bored with us and decided to go with his own self portrait:

And again:

Disconcerting images, yes. This was when Anne and I decided he needed a little more coaching, and he snapped again as we were on our way to help.

Oh dear. Finally he took a perfect one, and we weren't ready:

No, it was not a pose. And, no, I don't know exactly what we were doing either. :)

And:

Finally! Last but not least, the photographer got stuck...

Stuck, but happy. Not a bad way to be. :)

Death to Beauty

2007-10-26T14:17:00.000-04:00

"Every twig was tipped with
gold, each leaf was edged
and veined with gold from
the gold-flooded west."
-Christina Rossetti

I've been enjoying the vivid autumn colors. Each day as I drive past the beautiful trees I tell myself to remember my camera the next, and it hasn't happened yet! I suppose I will have to do with a thousand words instead - and that was fair warning! :)

Early this fall I was admiring a display of leaves that were only just beginning to change, and it struck me, that the beauty is in the dying. It's true, the leaves are dying, and that is when we can fully appreciate their beautiful colors.

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
Put to death therefore what is earthly in you"
-Colossians 3:1-5a

Put to death what is earthy in you - it's dying to self. It's when our true beauty shines. It's giving up our sin nature in exchange for righteousness. It's death to beauty.

And one of these days before it's too late, I will take pictures of the fall colors!

What I've been up too... :)

2007-10-19T20:16:00.000-04:00

(Note the grape stain on my shirt :) )

Lots and lots of grape jam! Years ago someone must have planted grapes here, and we enjoy the benefits now...

I'm finished canning grape juice and jam now until next year... now how long it will take for those purple fingers to be a normal color again. :)

Are We Men or Are We Mice?!!

2007-10-15T10:51:00.000-04:00

I used to be terrified of mice. When you live in an old farmhouse in the country, mice can be a real threat, and I used to fearfully lie awake at night if I heard the tiniest scratch. Thankfully, we haven't always had to deal with mice, yet once in a while a little mouse does make an appearance - like last night, for instance.

At times I am tempted to consider how far I have come, say in the fear of mice, for instance. I'm not nearly as afraid of them as I used to be - at least that's what I was telling myself.

Then it happened.

In one instant I was stepping out of the shower, and a tiny flash of fur and a squeak zipped past me. The very next instant found me in a very different position... in specific - crouching on the bathroom counter, cold, shivering, dripping wet, wrapped in a towel, and afraid to lower one foot.

Ah, yes, ridiculous, no? Far-fetched it is, but none the less true. I was actively terrified of a little mouse that is a percentage of a fraction of my weight and size.

Oh dear.

I suppose I missed out on some of my farm girl training??!! ;)

Interestingly, following this incident I came across a verse I had copied.

"Which of all these does not know
that the hand of the LORD has done this?
In his hand is the life of every creature
and the breath of all mankind."
-Job 12:9-10

Whenever I had read this before, I applied it to my own life. As "in His hand is the life of every creature" -----> therefore my life is in His hand. It's an important application to consider when up against tough circumstance. Our lives are in His hand - it sounds so much more secure than being at the mercy of whatever life happens to throw in our way. Yet it does say every creature. So I would expect that every creature, most likely would include a tiny little mouse that throws me in a panic when stepping out of the shower.

Silly isn't it? For me to be frightened of a mouse - His creature, who's life is in His hand - when my life is also most assuredly in His hand.

It does give a new perspective. :)

2007-10-11T15:52:00.000-04:00

"Ask the LORD for rain in the springtime;
it is the LORD who makes the storm clouds.
He gives showers of rain to men,
and plants of the field to everyone."
Zechariah 10:1

"Be glad, O people of Zion,
rejoice in the LORD your God,
for he has given you
the autumn rains in righteousness.
He sends you abundant showers,
both autumn and spring rains, as before."
-Joel 2:22-24

Interesting how the showers of blessing follow the storm clouds, isn't it? First the storm, the dark clouds, thunder and lightning, and then finally the rain. I love the scripture passages on rain. Rain is shown as a blessing and a promise. It's easy to see this allegory as rain as a blessing when in the middle of a drought. During a dry season the ground thirsts and cries out for rain, yet He sends it in His perfect time.

We've had a lot of rain this week. It's a good thing, since we were in a drought for so long. I like to listen to the rain on the roof at night and curl up with a book. Rain during the day is somewhat of a different story, when everything is sloppy and cold and wet. I don't enjoy it! Yet the rain has its own beauty...

I love the way it is phrased in Joel - "Autumn rains in righteousness." When I think of autumn rain, I think of the clean fresh rain-washed look against the lovely colors of fall. On the other hand, when I'm caught in the middle of a rainstorm it's not as easy to see the beauty! It's the same with life, it's sometimes hard to see the beauty of His working when we are in the middle of a turrent.

Funny isn't it. We long for rain, and when it comes we wish we were elsewhere. We pray for His refining, and we cry out in pain when He does.

He who has promised is faithful. Those blessings He has promised will come to pass, in spite of our faulty vision. The beauty of His promise will be revealed, whether presently or in a time to come.

I'm enjoying the autumn rains... that is when I am safe and snug indoors! :)

(Kevin really wanted to go out in the rain! I asked him to smile and this is as close as he would come. :) I think he looks like Christopher Robin in his boots and raincoat.)

God's Plan for Our Good

2007-09-20T21:00:00.000-04:00

"Can we give up all for the love of God? When the surrender of ourselves seems too much to ask, it is first of all because our thoughts about God Himself are paltry. We have not really seen Him, we have hardly tested Him at all and learned how good He is. In our blindness we approach Him with suspicious reserve. We ask how much of our fun He intends to spoil, how much He will demand from us, how high is the price we must pay before He is placated. If we had the least notion of His lovingkindness and tender mercy, His fatherly care for His poor children, His generosity, His beautiful plans for us; if we knew how patiently He waits for our turning to Him, how gently He means to lead us to green pastures and still waters, how carefully He is preparing a place for us, how ceaselessly He is ordering and ordaining and engineering His Master Plan for our good - if we had any inkling of all this, could we be so reluctant to let go of our smashed dandelions or whatever we clutch so fiercely in our sweaty little hands?"
-Elisabeth Elliot

Isn't it Funny...

2007-09-17T12:01:00.001-04:00

how they can fall asleep...

in almost any position??

(I wish I were still that flexible!) :)

Quotes from Jane Austen

2007-09-14T20:21:00.000-04:00

YLCF had a funny collection of quotes from Jane Austen posted today. http://www.ylcf.org/2007/09/witty-remarks-from-jane-jane-austen.html#links

I love Jane Austen, there are so many humorous lines! I'm almost finished with Northanger Abbey now, and here are some good ones.

"I wear nothing but purple now: I know I look hideous in it, but no matter; it is your dear brother's favourite colour."

"To retire to bed, however, unsatisfied on such a point, would be in vain, since sleep must be impossible with the consciousness of a cabinet so mysteriously closed in her immediate vicinity."

"'I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible.'
'Bravo! An excellent satire on modern language.'"

"...this is a very nice day; and we are taking a very nice walk; and you are two very nice young ladies. Oh! it is a very nice word, indeed! It does for everything."

"'Miss Morland is not used to your odd ways.'
'I shall be most happy to make her better acquainted with them.'"

And this one is my personal favorite... :)

"Miss Morland, no one can think more highly of the understanding of women than I do. In my opinion, nature has given them so much that they never find it necessary to use more than half."

(Ouch! :) )

A Random Oops!

2007-09-12T15:41:00.000-04:00

I'm paying closer attention to the gender specific signs above the locker room doors these days...

That sounds like a disaster... well it wasn't, but it was close. I am still not good about navigating the gym in school, so usually my method when I don't know my way around is to fall in line behind someone who looks like he knows what he is doing. :) Hence, I was on the stairs behind the athletic director. He held the door at the bottom of the stairwell open for me, and then headed toward what I thought was the direction of the hall...

Well it wasn't.

It was the men's locker room, and I caught myself just in time before I followed him in.

It was one of those moments in which you just try to act casual and hope nobody noticed...

At least I now know where not to be in the gym!! :)

Quiet Time

2007-09-05T15:37:00.000-04:00

I really identified with Candice Watter's post on "early morning quiet time" on the Boundless blog.

http://www.boundlessline.org/2007/09/the-early-part-.html

I am becoming more and more dependent on "quiet time" not necessarily just in the morning, but at some point during the day I feel the need to the read, rest, and refocus. If I'm having a bad day sometimes it's worse if I missed my "quiet time." My room is also my sanctuary when I am down, or feeling unrest, or just need some time to be alone with God.

There is just something about time alone. I like to use time alone in my car to pray, but even that has its own distractions. (And don't close your eyes to pray while driving, either. ;) ) I can understand the reasoning behind: "But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." (Matthew 6:6) Praying in secret not only avoids the appearance of a legalistic "religious" attitude, but it also eliminates the common distractions and keeps our eyes on Him. We are human, and our flesh needs all the help we can get!

I like to take a mug of herb tea upstairs and take some time to restore my soul. The funny thing is, I nearly always drink lukewarm tea, because I get wrapped up in what I am reading and forget to drink it for an hour! :) Sometimes I go for a walk. It just helps so much to refocus if we can tune the world out.

One devotional I am reading now is Whispers of His Power, by Amy Carmichael. It has inspirational thoughts divided by the days in a year. (This is just one devotional book I am going through, I have a reputation for reading multiple books at a time. :) ) This quote was a recent encouragement.

"In the day that we see Him all will be clear. The mysteries which now perplex us will be illuminated. One day we shall see the glory to our glorious God and the good to all of us contained in the disappointment we cannot understand.
So let us live as those who believe this to be true. Let us praise before we see. Let us thank our Lord for trusting us to trust Him."
-Amy Carmichael

Tears

2007-08-31T19:06:00.000-04:00

"Bitterly she weeps at night,
tears are upon her cheeks.
Among all her lovers
there is none to comfort her.
All her friends have betrayed her;
they have become her enemies."
-Lamentations 1:2

"Record my lament;
list my tears on your scroll —
are they not in your book?"
-Psalm 56:7

"'Go back and tell Hezekiah, the leader of my people,
'This is what the LORD, the God of your father David, says:
I have heard your prayer and seen your tears;
I will heal you. "
-II Kings 20:5

"He will swallow up death forever.
The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears
from all faces;
He will remove the disgrace of his people
from all the earth.
The LORD has spoken."
-Isaiah 25:8

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy."
-Psalm 126:5

Sometimes it's hard to see any joy. Sometimes our eyes are so foggy from tears that the blessing is hidden, hope is vague, release is not in sight. Sometimes we drench our beds weeping like King David.

It's a comfort to remember that the One who keeps a record of our tears will heal us, and will wipe all our tears away in His time. Someday, He will replace our tears with songs of joy.

Back to School Burnout... or Inspiration Opportunity??!!

2007-08-29T19:49:00.000-04:00

"The student of history can enjoy the subject much more if he or she believes that history is not merely a "tale told by an idiot" but rather the outworking of God's sovereign plan and purpose for this world. The Christian astronomer should worship as he observes through his telescope the vast handiwork of God in the heavens. The Godly farmer growing crops rejoices in the awareness that his agricultural skill comes utimately from God, because he reads in the Bible that 'God instucts him and teaches him the right way' of planning and harvesting (Isaiah 28:26). Any sphere of knowledge you're engaged in - every aspect of your workaday world - should be to you as a believer a source of wonder and worship and should be used as a means of glorifying God. and it will be if you enjoy the fear of God."
-Jerry Bridges, The Joy of Fearing God

(This book is amazing! :) )

Wow. What a fresh perspective. I could groan and stagger my way through school, or I could treat it as the amazing opportunity it is to aquire knowledge ultimately designed by HIM! My major (Accounting) could be a necessary but preferably avoided drudgery, or it could be the joyful obedience of learning how to be a good steward. Every experience an opportunity to either glorify or disappoint. What an important, jubilant, liberating mindset to have throughout an entire life - college, career, whatever!

Donuts In the Air?? :)

2007-08-28T12:05:00.000-04:00

This is very random - but why does my college parking lot always smell like donuts in the morning??!! Must be the wind from the cafeteria?? This is the 3rd semester I've noticed it... it makes me hungry!

I love the smell, especially on brisk mornings. It does make me crave donuts and coffee, though! :)

Back to School!

2007-08-27T19:21:00.000-04:00

It's a new semester - and probably my last as a student! I'm majoring in accounting and I finish with a two year degree in December.

I'm a little dubious about this semester because of various struggles and sickness over the past year, but I know my Lord will sustain me. The nice thing about not working is that I have complete freedom for homework or whatever needs to be done, or very random things.

Like today, just when I was through with my last class I got a txt message from a friend who was very nervous about the first day at her new college (different from mine.) I was able to jump in my car and meet her there, so we could wander around and figure the buildings out together before her class. It would be very unlikely I would have been able to do that before I quit my job. Now that my hands aren't tied with work I can be available for some opportunities that I could never fit in before. There are definite pluses to not working, once I get used to having time again. :) The financial aspect does involve a certain degree of trust, as well as the period of waiting on the Lord, because I honestly don't know what is coming next for me.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'" -Isaiah 30:21

I'm just trusting and praying that He will guide me toward the right opportunities, and help me to use my time wisely in His service. One step at a time does involve trust, but we can count on His presence with us all the time, convicting, guiding, and redirecting when necessary.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. '" -Jeremiah 29:11

What a comfort and relief that my Lord does know - because I definitely don't! :)

Sometimes You Just Don't Ask!! :)

2007-08-23T20:37:00.000-04:00

Dinner was almost ready, and I asked Jon to clear his things off the table. Several minutes later, I was very surprised to see it still untouched.

"Jon, are you going to do what I asked?" (It's rare that he ignores a request.)

His very casual answer:

"Yes, I'm going to. I'm just trying to get my binoculars off my foot."

(??!!)

(I think this beats the classic "My dog ate my homework...)

Thou God Seest Me

2007-08-23T11:41:00.000-04:00

"If you know the Master, you can play His music even in the dark."
-Paula Rinehart

One of the questions in the shorter catechism is "Can you see God?" The answer is "No, I cannot see God, but He always sees me."

It's so easy sometimes to only focus on the first half of this answer: "No, I cannot see God" when in fact the most important is the second part: "He always sees me." We all go through darker times when it is difficult to see Him or His work in us. Like Hagar, we weep alone in the desert - yet the whole time He sees, and we are reminded as Hagar was: "Thou God seest me." What a comfort to know His vision is not dependent on ours.

"She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: "You are the God who sees me," for she said, "I have now seen the One who sees me."
-Genesis 16:13

While we are on earth our vision is faulty and blurred, and it's hard to see Him. We can be comforted in the knowledge that He always sees, and His vision is 20/20. All that is necessary for us is to hang onto our faith that the One who sees, sees clearly, and that is enough for us.

"Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. " -I John 3:2

"And I—in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness."
-Psalm 17:15

When we awake, we shall see Him, and we shall be overcome and amazed at all His workmanship at the times when we could not see. Meanwhile, our Master sees, and that is all that is necessary - for He is the One who writes the music and performs the melody.

Live to the Hilt

2007-08-21T10:59:00.000-04:00

"Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."
-Jim Elliot

Walking the Walk

2007-08-20T10:26:00.000-04:00

"For the kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power."
-I Corinthians 4:20

"Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."
-I John 3:18

I am not the most articulate person - I actually write much better than I talk! This has caused concern in my interactions with non-Christians as far as: "Am I sufficiently 'talking the talk' in order to draw them to the gospel?" However, this verse in Corinthians is saying that the kingdom of God does not consist in talk but in power!

Not to say that it is wrong to "talk the talk" - or course not! I have an admiration for people who are better at putting the gospel into words than I am. Yet this is not the only way to draw others to our precious gift of salvation. A believer who truly walks in love both toward the brethren and to non-believers, is in a powerful position to be used as an instrument for God's glory. It's easy to love in word, yet it's not convincing until our actions show that we love in deed and in truth.

Non-believers may or may not pay attention to what we say, yet they are watching our lives and actions to see if we are really living what we are saying.

Being "slow of speech" like Moses doesn't have to hinder our witness - for it is the Kingdom of God that possesses the power. An instrument doesn't write the song or play the tune, but when the Musician plays it becomes a beautiful melody.

You Know You're the Oldest of 10 When...

2007-08-17T20:47:00.000-04:00

You get an overdue call from the library...
on a book called...
FREDDY THE PIG AND THE BASEBALL TEAM FROM MARS
(!!!)
(Time to hide my library card.)
:)

Ruth 1:16-17 cont

2007-08-16T10:36:00.000-04:00

Ruth's words sound like those of a wife to her husband - "Entreat me not to leave you" "where you go I will go" "if ought but death part me and thee." It is beautiful when applied in this sense, and I have seen it used in many weddings. Yet a thought struck me that we sometimes overlook... this was Ruth speaking to her mother-in-law!

What a far cry from the "mother-in-law jokes" of today, the careless attitudes and lack of respect. Ruth showed selflessness, caring, respect, and complete devotion to Naomi and care for her welfare. Ruth left her country to care for her mother-in-law. She gleaned the wheatfields for Naomi, she obediently followed Naomi's "odd" instructions regarding her relative Boaz.

And Ruth was blessed in abundance.

It's hard to see a modern day version of this story happening because our culture is so different. Respect is largely a thing of the past.

It's sad.

Ruth 1:16-17

2007-08-15T16:36:00.000-04:00

This is so beautiful - it makes me want to learn French! :)

"Mais Ruth re`pondit:
'Ne me prie point de te laisser,
pour m'e`loigner de toi;
car j'irai ou` tu iras,
et je demeurerai ou` tu demeureras;
ton peuple sera mon peuple,
et ton Dieu sera mon Dieu;
je mourrai ou` tu mourras,
et j`y serai ensevelie.
Que l'Eternal me traite avec la dernie`re rigueur,
si jamais rien te se`pare de moi que la mort.'"

Of course the English version is beautiful too, especially in the King James:

"And Ruth said,
'Intreat me not to leave thee,
or to return from following after thee:
for whither thou goest, I will go;
and where thou lodgest, I will lodge:
thy people shall be my people,
and thy God my God:
Where thou diest, will I die,
and there will I be buried:
the LORD do so to me, and more also,
if ought but death part thee and me.'"

I just love this passage! :)

Broken and Beautiful

2007-08-14T11:46:00.000-04:00

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."
-Psalms 51:17

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
-Psalms 34:18

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat
falls to the ground and dies,
it remains only a single seed.
But if it dies, it produces many seeds."
-John 12:24

"A broken heart is an acceptable offering to God. He will never despise it. We do not know what unimagined good He can bring about through our simple offering. Christ was willing to be broken bread for the life of the world. He was poured out like wine. This means He accepted being ground like wheat and crushed like the grape. It was the hands of others who did the grinding and crushing. Our small hurts, so infinitely smaller than His, may yet be trustfully surrendered to His transforming work. The trial of faith is a thing worth much more than gold."
-Elisabeth Elliot

I remember reading a story about a butterfly that was struggling to escape its cocoon. An onlooker had pity on the poor butterfly who was trying so hard, and cut the cocoon open to release it. The only problem was, after it was out of the cocoon the butterfly couldn't fly. The effort it required for the butterfly to free itself from its cocoon would have made its wings strong enough to fly. There was no strength without the struggle - and without strength there was no flying.

In theory it makes sense that trials are given for strengthening, and for His work to be performed in our lives. In practice it's often a lot harder to see this. We pray to be made more like Him, we ask Him to work in us, and then we still taken by surprise when His working comes in the form of pain and struggles. There has been so many times when I cried out to Him to free me of a trial, and His answer was a quiet "You asked me to work in you and now you are asking me to stop." I have been guilty of this over and over again, and after His quiet convicting my response can only be "Yes Lord, work Your perfect will in me. Let these struggles transform me closer to Your perfect and beautiful image."

"O to be like Thee! O to be like Thee,
Blessed Redeemer, pure as Thou art;
Come in Thy sweetness, come in Thy fullness;
Stamp Thine own image deep on my heart."
-Thomas O. Chisholm

Sharing in His sorrows can only work to draw us closer to Him, and to imprint a clearer reflection of Him in our lives. What a small part of His trials we share, yet it is through them that we are transformed into His image! Brokenness does bring beauty.

Slavery?

2007-08-12T19:13:00.000-04:00

"For whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved." -II Peter 2:19b

Imagine a newly freed slave... there's no way she wants to return to her chains - not a chance! I can imagine the ecstatic "free" feeling, the new lightness in her step, the amazing release from chains, the new hope springs bubbling over. Who would want to return to former ugly heavy chains? It's ridiculous.

Yet isn't that what happens to us?

"Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and the LORD your God redeemed you. That is why I give you this command today." -Deuteronomy 15:15

We are former slaves to sin, redeemed by the Lamb and by His blood set free. Yet if Peter is correct in that whatever overcomes a person makes them a slave than it is true that we are often re-enslaved.

What makes slaves of us? Are we overcome by sorrow, by hopelessness, by struggles, by pain? Are we slaves to good opinion, to appearances, to anxiety, to fear?

"Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?

But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness." -Romans 6:16-18

Praise Him that although we were slaves, we have been set free, and as long as we choose not to be overcome we are slaves only to Him. And being His slave is its own reward. :)

Unemployed!

2007-08-08T10:48:00.001-04:00

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'"

-Isaiah 30:21

Well I finally quit my job! It has become necessary for me to cut back due to frequent sickness and almost constant exhaustion. It was definitely not a decision I wanted to make... I can't imagine not being a florist anymore! :-/

It's a step... we'll see where it goes.

Meanwhile, it's my last semester, and I'm not sure what's coming after that. New opportunities for trust - financially, health-wise, and complete direction-wise.

Here's some pictures from my last couple days at work

Beth(right) & I

Nicole, Melissa & I goofing off

Ashley

Nicole & I have been friends since we were 2 or so. It will be so strange not working with her...

:)

2007-08-07T10:03:00.000-04:00

Okay, this was my favorite compliment over anything I've ever gotten for a piano piece...

From friend Noah (5)
"Dat was NICE Mew-zik!!!"

I've been Tagged!

2007-07-28T17:47:00.000-04:00

Tag Rules:1).The player starts with 8 random facts about herself.2).The person who is tagged must post on her own blog her answers and post the rules first.3).Then the player must pick 8 people and tag them. Also leave them a note to let them know that you tagged them. You can write who you tagged on your blog also!

My mom tagged me... :)
Hmmmm, 8 random facts...

1) I was once randomly called a "ditsy brunette" by a stranger at a gas pump
2) I play piano
3) Isaiah is one of my favorite books of the Bible
4) I cannot stand rice a roni - I don't even like the smell
5) I've been asked twice by strangers if I was Bosnian (I'm not)
6) I love almost all music
7) I had two dolls growing up that I named Clarice Kitty Leigh and Alissa Allala
8) My brothers used to sneak my stockings out of my dresser and use them to make slingshots

Okay there's my 8 facts! If anyone stumbles on this and wants to be tagged in return just consider yourself tagged. :) If you leave a comment I will be able to see what you wrote.

Satisfied...

2007-07-24T20:08:00.000-04:00

(Grandpa Dave - I love this picture :) )

What is our inner heart's cry... what is our longing? What do we strive for in this world, and what will bring us satisfaction?

We constantly aim for satisfaction - yet nothing is ever enough. No riches, popularity, or success is ever enough, we push on, we want more. We climb higher on the ladder, yet never quite reach the end.

An author, Jack Higgins, was asked what he would have liked to have been told when he was a boy. His answer: "That when you get to the top there's nothing there." There isn't.

No worldly satisfaction is enough. Marie Antoinette, the queen of France, with riches, amusement and maids at her beck and call, said despairingly "nothing tastes." Nothing does.

King Solomon wrote life off as meaningless . "Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless." -Ecclesciastes 5:10 . Meaningless... how depressing it sounds.

Why do we strive, when nothing can ever satisfy? What is our heart's cry and longing that is never filled with all the world has to offer?

"My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God."
-Psalm 84:2

Our hearts cry out for the living God. Yet our hearts deceive us into thinking that if we only keep striving for more on earth we will eventually reach satisfaction. It doesn't happen.

"He feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him;
He cannot save himself, or say,
"Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?"
-Isaiah 44:20

Isaiah 44 speaks of those who worship idols of their own making. It seems so ridiculous to think of a man chopping down a tree, using part of it to cook his supper, and then using the rest to fashion an idol. His own deluded heart misleads him.

Doesn't this make sense still for our day? Our hearts are crying out, longing for our God, the living God... yet we misunderstand this intrinsic need, thinking instead that we can reach satisfaction by our own pursuits. Still in our own helpless strivings we find nothing but emptiness. We build our lives, our fortunes, our social acceptance and popularity... only to find ourselves in the same position as this man from Isaiah 44. We worship an idol of our own making.

"And I—in righteousness I will see your face;
when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness."
-Psalm 17:15

It is His likeness that brings satisfaction. We long to gaze on His beauty, to know Him, to share His sufferings, to be conformed to His likeness, and to worship Him all of our days. This is our inner heart's cry.

"As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?"

-Psalm 42:1-2

It's when we quench this thirst with our Lord that we finally find that life has meaning, life"tastes," and when we get to the end it won't be empty and barren. For He will be there.

Castles in the Air

2007-07-17T20:31:00.001-04:00

"I will build a castle for you, my love..." doesn't it sound like a dream? A beautiful princess to save, a strong knight rescuer, and finally the happily ever after... in a castle of course! A dream, a fairy tale, yet the reality for this Camelot didn't end so happily.

George Boldt started out as a dishwasher in NYC, and ended up a multimillionaire. Many may dream of building a castle for their love, yet Boldt not only dreamed, he had the resources and capital to do so. He purchased Hart Island, and changed the name to Heart Island, actually reconstructing the island in the shape of a heart. The heart theme was continued in the stonework of the castle, the family crest, and various places around the estate. The heart symbols were appropriate, as a proclamation to the love of a knight for his princess.

And so he built for her a castle on Heart Island...

Millions of dollars, hundreds of workers, boatloads of supplies, and in 1904 the castle was nearly complete... when the word came that Louise Boldt was dead. The workers were ordered to drop their tools and leave, unfinished, not to return. And it is said that George Boldt never set foot on Heart Island again.

All the effort and money he had put into his castle meant nothing without his love to share it. The castle was left to itself... showing how little wealth means without love. Earthly treasure can never satisfy.

"But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
-Matthew 20-21

No earthly treasure compares to the heavenly abundance He has for us. Those who give up wealth, home, recognition, and all earthly "treasure" will count it as nothing once their eternal destination is reached.

"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ." -Philippians 3:8

"He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward." -Hebrews 11:26

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." - 1 Corinthians 2:9

Those of us who are redeemed have treasure in heaven beyond all imagination... with our first Treasure being our Savior.

George Boldt's treasure wasn't his castle... his wife was of far greater value to him. None of his earthly treasure could compare to her who was now a part of his treasure in heaven.

I hope they are in heaven together.

Boldt Castle 7/16

2007-07-17T19:31:00.001-04:00

Old?? NOT!

2007-07-09T20:21:00.000-04:00

7 year old Annie wanted to go on a hike with myself and a group. I was concerned about the 5 mile hike, so I protested, "Anne, it's going to be all old people!"
"Well, how old?" she demanded. "Umm, well, my age." I said vaguely, realizing it had been a poor choice of words.
"Old? 21 is NOT old." Anne protested. "Old people are 83."

Old people are 83... I just love that line! Go Annie! :)

Annie & Grandma Grace... who is NOT 83... hence = not old :)

We already knew Grandma Grace wasn't old!

Showers of Blessings

2007-06-29T21:40:00.000-04:00

"You heavens above, rain down righteousness;
let the clouds shower it down.
Let the earth open wide, let salvation spring up,
let righteousness grow with it;
I, the LORD, have created it."
-Isaiah 45:8

"Do any of the worthless idols of the nations bring rain?
Do the skies themselves send down showers?
No, it is you, O LORD our God.
Therefore our hope is in you,
for you are the one who does all this."
-Jeremiah 14:22

"Take an example from nature. Clouds have passed over the sky every day for many weeks now, and I have very often said 'It will certainly rain today, and the thirsty fields will be refreshed.' Yet not a drop has fallen, up to this point. Still, it has to rain before long.
It is the same with God's mercy... 'The Lord is not slack concerning His promises, as some men count slackness.' (2 Peter 3:9) He has His own appointed time, and He will be punctual, for while He is never ahead of schedule, He is never behind it. In due season, in answer to the prayers of His people, He will give them a shower of blessing. All kinds of gracious blessings will descend from His right hand. He will tear open the heavens and come down in majesty, for 'God shall bless us.'" -Charles Spurgeon, Finding Peace in Life's Storms

Thirsty?

2007-06-27T14:31:00.001-04:00

"As the deer pants for streams of water,

so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

When can I go and meet with God?"

-Psalm 42:1-2

"I am the LORD your God,
who brought you up out of Egypt.
Open wide your mouth and I will fill it."

-Psalm 8:10

"For I will pour water on the thirsty land,

and streams on the dry ground;

I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring,

and my blessing on your descendants."

-Isaiah 44:3

(Kevin, 3, and Annie, 7)

"The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!"

And let him who hears say, "Come!"
Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes,

let him take the free gift of the water of life. "

-Revelation 22:17

When I Consider...

2007-06-24T13:55:00.000-04:00

(9 year old brother Jonathan at Whetstone)

"When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,

the moon and the stars which You have set into place,

What is man that You are mindful of him?

The son of man that You visit him?"

-Psalm 8:3-4

Peace... Be Still

2007-06-23T19:31:00.000-04:00

This semester has been the most difficult so far, and the most unhealthy. Constant fatigue, endless homework and no energy left to do it, as well as catch up from being sick ever other week or so.

Every day I said, "Next week will be better, my life can get back to normal. I will be better next week." Well, "next week" hasn't come yet.

Today was a difficult day. After (another) trip to urgent care, and (another) week of plans changed because of sickness I was so frustrated! "Lord!" I cried, "this is disrupting my whole life!" Then He quietly impressed on my heart... "Your life?"

That was all, just the quiet reminder... "your life?" Indeed, "my life?" I gave my life back to Him... so it's His life.

"Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."
-Colossions 3:2-4

If my life is hidden in Christ, should I question what He is doing with it? He is saying to my storm tossed mind "peace - be still!" If the One with whom my life is hidden knows what He is doing, all I have to do is to be still. Peace in the storm, for He is with me. Confident in the reassurance that the One in control does know - whether He chooses to tell me or not. Secure in the knowledge that my plans now won't matter in the whole scheme of things... Cherishing the reminder that it's not my life.

It's His.

Giving Back to Him...

2007-06-19T20:19:00.000-04:00

"Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name.
But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand.
We are aliens and strangers in your sight, as were all our forefathers.
Our days on earth are like a shadow, without hope.
O LORD our God, as for all this abundance that we have provided
for building you a temple for your Holy Name, it comes from your hand,
and all of it belongs to you.
I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity.
All these things have I given willingly and with honest intent.
And now I have seen with joy how willingly your people who are here have given to you.
O LORD, God of our fathers Abraham, Isaac and Israel, keep this desire in the hearts of your people forever, and keep their hearts loyal to you."
-1 Chronicles 29:13-18

This prayer of David is so beautiful! "...we have given You only what comes from Your hand." How true this is! We are called to glorify God in all we do, yet He is glorious beyond our comprehension. Our praise cannot elevate Him any farther than He is, yet we give back to Him the glory that He already possesses.
Just like our lives, which we give back to Him. Just like our crowns, which we shall finally cast at His feet.

"But everything comes from God." -1 Corinthians 11:12b

"You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being." -Revelation 4:11

Everything we give to God He has first given to us. We are called to constantly magnify Him and bring Him glory, yet He is ever magnificent and glorious. And the love we give to Him is in response to His love - for He loved us first.

Secure in His Promise

2007-06-18T11:01:00.000-04:00

"No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what He had promised."
-Romans 4:20-21

I find it so easy to say "Lord, I trust You... just please tell me what you are doing to me!" I have to know the why, the how and the outcome, and then I promise to trust Him. What is wrong with this is that when we know what will happen there is no trust involved!

God made radical promises to Abraham, that He would bless an old man with a child, and make his descendents like the sand of the seashore. Abraham didn't demand to know the how and the when as years passed childless, he stayed firmly trusting that God knew what He was doing, "fully convinced."

A childlike trust is willing to believe when our eyes are shut to "how" and "when" and "why." A child is secure in the knowledge that Father does know best, and any worrying is needless and only self-destructive.

And if the One in control knows what He is doing, I don't need to know.

Blackmail

2007-06-14T22:04:00.000-04:00

"Hey Jen, you got blackmail." Jonny casually informed me. I looked at my 9 year old brother. "Blackmail?? What are you talking about?"

Well, I had received one of those junk mail credit card applications, and the envelope happened to be black. Hence - blackmail. :)

I Think I was Meant to be a Blond...

2007-06-12T20:07:00.000-04:00

I shut my fingers in the car window today... while I was cranking the window up with - ummmm... the other hand...

It hurt.

Somedays I amaze even myself... ;)

2007-06-10T18:50:00.000-04:00

"Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me!
You have said, "Seek my face." My heart says to you,
"Your face, LORD, do I seek."
Hide not your face from me. Turn not your servant away in anger,
O you who have been my help.Cast me not off; forsake me not,
O God of my salvation!"
-Psalm 27:7-9

2007-05-21T21:46:00.000-04:00

Isaiah 61:1-3

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor."

2007-05-17T21:59:00.000-04:00

Choices - and Looking to the ONE!

I cannot make choices - it's a problem. For years I didn't have a favorite color because I just couldn't decide. When I was six my favorite color was purple... because purple was my Grandma Mary's favorite color. When I was 8 my favorite color was blue, because blue was Nicole's favorite color. When I was 11 it was forest green - forest green was Alicia's favorite color. Finally at about 13 I realized it was a losing battle, I couldn't decide, and I was favorite-color-less until last year when a friend asked me what mine was. When I said I didn't have one he felt sorry for me and decided for me that my favorite color was blue. So now it is blue! Or is it pink? Or white? :)

That's just one example, I still can't decide my favorite food but I have narrowed it down to anything Italian, Chinese, Mexican, or seafood - or else involving chocolate, popcorn, dill pickles, salsa or broccoli. :) I don't have a favorite song, favorite book, favorite flower, or favorite animal. I DO have a favorite season... it's spring! Making arrangements are a problem when there are so many flowers to choose from, and I can't decide which color scheme I want, or what flowers, or what style - the list goes on. I DO have a favorite book of the Bible - it's Isaiah... and Psalms, and John, and the Timothy's, and Jeremiah, and Micah, and Zechariah - oh dear.

I know, it's pathetic.

I suppose my lack of skill in the decision making area would be a reason why I especially love this verse:

"There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all." -Ephesians 4:4-6

There is only ONE! ONE body, ONE Spirit, ONE hope, ONE Lord, ONE faith, ONE baptism, ONE God and Father. No choices involved regarding our Savior and King who is over all and through all and in all. I love the wording here!

There are no compromises when it comes to our faith, there is no detour, the straight and narrow is the only path. Jesus Christ is the ONE Way, Truth, and Life. I was in a class when the professor asked us who believed in absolutes. Well, this was an obvious question. I raised my hand, and looked around... my own was the only hand up. Someone sitting behind me said "No" outright. Our professor looked at him, and replied, "Young man, you just gave me an absolute."

We live in a culture where truth is a matter of opinion, faith is "controversial," right and wrong are not defined. Our laws are subject to the whim of the judge, who may or may not believe in absolutes. Abortionists are "pro-choice" - when there isn't a choice for us regarding truth. Right and wrong is all clearly laid out in Scripture,

"See that you do all I command you; do not add to it or take away from it." Deut 12:32

There are dire consequences promised to anyone who adds on to His word. (Rev 20:18.) His Word and His Truth are absolutes. The Lord our God is ONE Lord. (Deut 6:4) Our choice is to "choose you this day whom you shall serve." (Joshua 24:15) As far as who He is, or what defines right and wrong, or what truth is, there are no choices involved.

And that's a relief to me. :)

2007-05-16T20:48:00.000-04:00

"For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed,
for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able
to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day."
-2 Timothy 1:12

2007-05-06T22:31:00.000-04:00

Hmmm, Forgot Your Anniversary??!!

The other day someone called the flower shop in a panic because he forgot his anniversary. "Can you still send flowers this afternoon?" I assured him that we could since he was within an hour of our same-day cutoff. Audible sigh of relief. I took his order for roses for his wife, then we got to the card...

He wanted it to say "I'll bet you thought I forgot." (!)

Not a bad idea, but aren't we being a little fake here??!! He must have been at work because as soon as he said it there were people laughing in the background.

Well, I thought it was funny! :)

2007-05-02T22:09:00.000-04:00

Look at this Boy

Doesn't he look mischievous??!! Guess what this little smart aleck called me today!!

It started when Jon thought his name, Jonathan, was spelled phonetically. Jonathin. I laughed and gave him the correct spelling, then I started calling him Jona-skinny. (You know, Jona-thin! Hey, I thought it was funny, and he fits the profile!) Well he paid me back by calling me "Jenni-fat!!"

I protested and then he suggested "Jenni-medium," to which Annie replied "No, she's Jen-the-perfect-size!" Annie always sticks up for me! Brothers, sometimes I'm just not sure about them!

Life would be boring without them though... :)

2007-04-30T21:13:00.000-04:00

Light a Fire, and Light it in Me

I started a fire in my chemistry lab today...

We were supposed to collect methane gas in a tube under water - my problem was I turned the gas on while the hose was still lying on the counter out of the water. Burst of flame! I quickly turned the gas off, and it was out by the time the professor called "I smell something burning!"

I'm not doing very well in chemistry lab!!

Interestingly, lately I have felt led to pray for the Lord to send "fire." It began when I was sick, and in my feverish rantings I woke up twice praying that He would "light a fire." I didn't know when I woke up what that meant. Later that same day I read from Ezekiel

"Behold, I will kindle a fire in you, and it shall devour every green tree in you and every dry tree. The blazing flame shall not be quenched, and all faces from south to north shall be scorched by it. All flesh shall see that I the LORD have kindled it; it shall not be quenched."
-Ezekiel 20:47-48

This coming after my feverish prayer inspired me to begin a study on fire. Among the types of fire in the Bible are the Refiner's fire, the judgement fire, and the fire of our love for Him. I could see how much I needed His fire, and I began to pray in earnest that my Lord would light whatever fire He pleased in me.

This is still my prayer. I need His fire, I need it to sweep through devouring every green and dry tree in me. I need His refining fire, I need His chastening flame. I need a rekindling of my love for Him. And I pray that this fire is never quenched.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."
-Isaiah 43:2

It is so comforting to know He is present in the fire. He is with me, upholding me, and He chastens those whom He loves.

Meanwhile - I suppose I'm just not cut out for a scientist!

2007-04-15T17:36:00.000-04:00

"One thing I ask of the LORD,
this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple."
-Psalm 27:4

2007-04-08T14:24:00.000-04:00

"He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed."

-Isaiah 53:3-5

I love this whole chapter... it is so beautiful. How precious and almost inconceiveable to think of the One who will not break a bruised reed allowing Himself to be bruised and crushed for us!

"Yet we considered Him stricken by God" we turned our heads, we mocked and jeered. We cast lots for His clothing - meanwhile He was forfeiting His holy sinless life for our wretchedly corrupt lives.

What a picture of love!

Smoldering Wick

2007-04-04T10:51:00.000-04:00

I've said that my method for survival as a working student is caffeine, chocolate, and adrenaline. Well, after being sick for a month now caffeine keeps me awake at night, chocolate is making me sick, and I ran out of adrenaline several weeks ago. It's called BURNOUT - and I'm so physically and mentally exhausted I've been going through the motions of life automatically. Yesterday someone shut a door in my face and I thanked him for it. I wasn't being sarcastic - it was just automatic and my brain didn't connect that no, he didn't hold it open for me... he let it slam. He responded with a "you're welcome" - not sure what that was about but maybe he was burned out too! :)

"A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice." -Isaiah 42:3

I am comforted in the knowledge that He does know and care. I know He will help me through the rest of this semester. I've been praying for brokenness - yet He knows when I am already too bruised and He is so gentle with the bruised reed. I may be burning out but He is guarding my wick and with His help it shall be fanned into a steady flame.

My wick is sustained by my Lord!

2007-03-28T13:17:00.000-04:00

"Lo! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves is heard in our land."
-Song of Solomon 2:11-12

I just love spring! It's my favorite season. I like summer too but it just doesn't have the thrills that spring has. It's when the sun comes out after depriving us all winter long, it's when the snow melts - slowly, a little more each day. The crocuses come out, the daffodils begin to poke their heads out of the snow, and it's warm out!

It just energizes me and makes me realize that I can stick it out through the rest of the semester. I'm so glad that He gave us seasons. The winter sometimes seems so long you can't see the end of it... but He always sends spring. And it's His timing, not necessarily when I would want it. I might plead for spring in the middle of a cold dark January - but He sends us spring in His own timing... which is always perfect.

We are familiar with what Solomon says about a time for everything
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."
-Ecclesiasties 3:1
It's easy to remember this, it's harder to always keep in mind that all of our times and seasons are in His control.

"But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in your hands."
-Psalm 31:14-15

All of my times and seasons are in His hand - and that's the safest place for them. :)

2007-02-16T20:45:00.000-05:00

Shifting to the Beat

One of our cars is standard. I can't drive standard - but I need to learn in order to drive this car; which is the car my parents would prefer me driving. I was telling my friend Josh about it. Like a typical guy, he is interested in cars, and he was asking questions about the make, model, and year. "You will be driving a standard Saturn!" he exclaimed, "that is so cool - you can SHIFT GEARS in time to the music!!" :)

Shifting to the music... it made me laugh so hard, it just sounds so incredibly goofy! However, in thinking harder about it; I realized how much wisdom there is in applying this to life. When we are required to make an adjustment it may be difficult or unwelcome. There are lots of changes we would prefer to avoid... yet when we obediently follow our Lord's leading He gives the joy to "shift in time to the music."

Ok, so driving a standard doesn't sound all that thrilling to me; for one thing, it's not what I'm used to, for another, I'm a little scared of stalling on a hill. A third reason is that my little brother makes it look so easy... :) I'm not always the most willing person to adapt to change, for unfamiliar territory often appears threatening. I like to know and be confident in what I am doing to avoid slipping up or looking foolish. Yet my Lord promises to lead me forth with peace and joy (Isaiah 54:12) as long as I trust Him. I may feel insecurity in myself but in Him I have confidence.

And I'll be shifting those gears to His beat!!

Psalm 18:28-30

2007-02-08T10:18:00.000-05:00

"For it is you who light my lamp; the LORD my God lightens my darkness.
For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall.
This God--his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him."

2007-02-05T15:49:00.000-05:00

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like CHRISTMAS!! :)

Today I have a snow day! Never, in my three year career to a two year degree (I know, sad isn't it??!!) has my community college EVER closed... until today.

Today was a very good day, I was able to sleep in, actually finish some of my homework for once, and read to my little brother. (His favorite book - called "The Snowy Day." Yes... really! He asks for it every time I read to him! I almost have it memorized. :) )

I really have been in need of a day off; I have been exhausted all week. My Lord knows my every need...

It's a white-out here, with snow expected all day and overnight. All I want to know is; where was the snow at Christmas??!!

2007-01-31T14:01:00.000-05:00

Beholding the King

"Your eyes will behold the king in his beauty; they will see a land that stretches afar."
Isaiah 33:17

I guess I'm somewhat of a "literature snob," I love classics, and at the same time have a grudge against most current fiction. It has bothered me for years to see the number of new Christian books turned out for quantity - and not quality. I have always wished that excellence was a given in Christian literature... rather than occasionally present in a rare gem on a dusty bookshelf. There are so many series that are gripping page turners; yet leave you with the feeling that your time was wasted in the reading, for nothing of value was left with you and it was often poorly written to boot.

Another troubling thing about fiction (this goes for movies too) is that morals are often taught by showing evil, as if we can only see the pearl once we have already been in the mud with the swine. We can't get away from violence - it is an ever-present fact in this sinful and eroding world. What we can do is not allow it to affect us, always keeping our eyes fixed on the King in His beauty.

Isaiah 33:15-16 says "He who walks righteously and speaks uprightly, who despises the gain of oppressions,who shakes his hands, lest they hold a bribe, who stops his ears from hearing of bloodshed and shuts his eyes from looking on evil, he will dwell on the heights; his place of defense will be the fortresses of rocks; his bread will be given him; his water will be sure."

This righteous and upright man actually "stop his ears" and "shuts his eyes" to keep from being tainted by evil. This man is not foolishly ignoring evil - he is actively aware of it and on his guard to keep from falling. He is "wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove." I had to think and compare this to the frequent feeding of our minds through dubious movies and books, sadly even some labeled "Christian."

Some questions to consider before beginning a book or movie; is it profitable, or could you use your time more wisely? Does it needlessly teach through the graphic picture of evil? Would it cloud your eyes from beholding the King?

Dear Lord, help me to keep my mind pure, ever beholding You and Your beauty. Let me set no evil thing before my eyes - rather keeping them fixed on You, for You are holy. Let nothing blur my vision of You as my King in His beauty and holiness.
In Jesus' name, Amen.

2007-01-19T21:06:00.000-05:00

My Boring Day, and His Awesome Grace

Today was just one of those days... it simply began wrong. It couldn't have been the wrong side of the bed - - - because my bed is against the wall. Maybe it was because I didn't have any coffee this morning... and yes, last semester did turn me into a coffee drinker!! Maybe it was my headache, or the weather change, or maybe it was just me.

Whatever the cause, everything seemed wrong today, and my glum face was a witness that I was allowing my bad attitude to get the better of me. "How are you, Jen?" my co-workers were asking. I would heave a sigh, and say, "Fine." "Oooh, you look like you're in a mood." my co-worker Sam said.

I was in a mood. Work was just so boring today, because I was willing it to be boring in my mind. The flowers were boring, the conversation was annoying, thinking was painful with my hurting head, and through everything the snow was coming down harder, thicker and harder still.
Dad called and asked if I wanted a ride home. "No, I'll be fine, I'll go slow." I said. I should have let me drive me home...

My car got stuck when I was leaving the parking lot. Josh was ahead of me, and he left his car parked at the traffic light and ran back to push me out. It worked, and I started towards home very slowly, the last I looked at the speedometer I was going 20 mph. Then I lost control at the top of a hill.

I slid and skidded down the hill, first I thought I was going to hit the guard rail, then a tree, then I finally did a partial doughnut and landed backed into a barbed wire fence. No way, this wasn't happening to me, not again!!

I was fine, I didn't have a scratch. My car had a scratch, but that's all it had. My Lord is there even when I am failing, and I felt such a failure today, for I wasn't allowing His joy to light my life. He is always faithful.

Someone called 911 and a tow truck, so there were all these firemen running around, and I was at a loss at what to do with my dad on the way and they were setting up a road block. Everything worked out in the end, and I'm grateful that in this type of setting they expect you to be ditsy, for I certainly fit the profile. Everyone was wonderful; with the exception of one person whom I kept wanting to hit over the head with my purse. (He made a couple comments; I'm glad I resisted the urge!! :) )

"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him." Psalms 91: 45-15

My Lord keep His promises on my good days, and my bad days. He is with me when I am spilling over with joy, and even when I allow myself to be glum. I am so thankful that His protection and care does not depend on whether I deserve it or not, for I certainly am undeserving. He cares for me, and I am so thankful for every day I have...

And I've realized - that a boring day, is not necessarily a bad day!! :)

2007-01-18T21:01:00.000-05:00

Those Wonderful Yankees!! :D

My accounting professor made a statement today that I had to take down; I added it to my list of favorite quotes from teachers. Here it is:

"The Yankees have to have somebody to play against... that's why there are all those other baseball teams."

!!! This made me laugh out loud in class; a pretty major feat seeing that it was my 8:00 am. (It's rather difficult for me to see and/or appreciate any type of humor at that hour of the morning. ;) )

Anyway; not like I'm a real sports fan, but I like the Red Sox. I do... seriously! Okay so really I just picked it to be different from my friend who loves the Yankees - - - well I thought it was a good reason! Besides, I like Boston. :)

2007-01-15T20:57:00.000-05:00

Psalm 56:8
"You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call. This I know, that God is for me.
In God, whose word I praise, in the LORD, whose word I praise,
In God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

Psalms 31:14-16
"But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, 'You are my God.'
My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me.
Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love. "

Psalm 17:1-6
A prayer of David.
"Hear, O LORD, my righteous plea; listen to my cry. Give ear to my prayer— it does not rise from deceitful lips.
May my vindication come from you; may your eyes see what is right.
Though you probe my heart and examine me at night, though you test me, you will find nothing; I have resolved that my mouth will not sin.
As for the deeds of men—by the word of your lips I have kept myself from the ways of the violent.
My steps have held to your paths; my feet have not slipped.
I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer."

Psalms 17:15
"And I—in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness."

Is not the Lord - who holds my tears - worthy of my trust?

I'm Dreaming of a Blue Christmas

2006-12-15T09:36:00.000-05:00

I've got the Christmas blues!! "What are the Christmas blues??" you ask? Ummm... read it that I can't wait for Christmas to be over. I'm serious. The "magic" of the season has been non-existent for me thus far.

Oh, I know it's terrible of me! After all, Christmas is supposed to be a time of laughter and love and family and giving and most importantly... remembering our Saviour's birth. I'm trying to reflect on this... that is in-between extended holiday work hours and finals and shopping and figuring out what on earth I am going to give my fourteen Sunday School kids.

I have been shopping (sort of) once; and I bought one gift for my sister, which I ended up giving to her the next day... go figure! I always made fun of people who have their shopping finished in August; but now it sounds like a good idea... I see their point.

My problem is I cannot begin to think of Christmas any earlier than mid-November. I know, it's not right; seeing that we start decorating the shop for Christmas in October accompanied by those festive carols that I can't bear until December. I'm one of those people who like Christmas music at CHRISTMAS, not at Valentine's Day or in March or October. (And while decorating this year I heard "Silver Bells" enough in one day to taint the song forever in my memory. ;)
Now the holiday rush is in full swing at the flower shop. Everyone thinks working at a flower shop is the most peaceful job on earth. All I can say is they should try it during the holidays when the orders are piling, the rose petals are flying, and the constant ring of the telephone is a continual clangor. Enough said. :)

Well, it's not a white Christmas... yet; nor is it holly jolly thus far. I just pray that I will not let the commercialism and the crash and burn chaotic craziness to get in the way of the One whose birth we remember on that day -

Emmanuel. Be with us this this season and always, dear Lord! Help us to put You first forever and now. Amen.

2006-11-21T10:28:00.000-05:00

Thank You Oh My Father...

There is a Redeemer, Jesus God's own Son
Precious Lamb of God, Messiah, Holy One

Thank You oh my Father, for giving us Your Son,
And leaving Your Spirit 'til Your work on earth is done.
(Keith Green)

Thanksgiving is here, a time to reflect, to remember with gratitude our many blessings. I love this song because it reminds me that the greatest thanks belongs to our Lord; Who gave His life for our sins. What a gift! The perfect sacrifice, His death... for mine.
I fall, I stumble, I sin constantly; yet He catches me in His grace and forgives me, and stands me on my feet to start afresh.
Thank You, my Father; for being my Redeemer.

Daaa DOT-Da-Daaa... Daaa DOT-Da-Daaaa

2006-11-20T13:15:00.000-05:00

I'm so excited... I was asked to be in a wedding!! I know, it shouldn't be THAT exciting, but I'm young enough that I haven't had many friends married yet; and this is the first time I was asked to be a bridesmaid. I get to be in on the wedding details, the flowers, the dresses, and I'll throw a bridal shower.

This is too cool! My friend Danielle is getting married!
WHY are weddings so exciting? I don't get it, why do we girls dream and fuss and plan so much for one day? I used to think the day after my own wedding I would wake up and realize I could no longer have the fun of planning my wedding. I mentioned this to a friend who was getting married, and he answered, "Oh, great, so my wife might have a crisis about not being able to plan her own wedding later on??" I thought a minute, and I answered; "Well, then she will have you." I think that should be enough.

Maybe it sounds silly to dream, but girls do. Most of my friends have their wedding colors picked out, whether it is in the forsee-able future or no. It's not wrong to dream, I do it. It's not wrong to think ahead and plan, it helps with the details later on when necessary.

The only thing is, I can't place too much importance on one day of my life, a day that may or may not eventually come. And I can't let dreaming or wishing get in the way of my present - my life right now. Focusing too much on a dream prince might cloud your eyes when he finally is standing before you; and dreaming too much of the might-happen-some-day could cause you to miss out on the moments of the already-happening-here-and-now.

And I don't want dreaming to make me miss out on the joys my Lord has for me in the now.

2006-11-15T09:35:00.000-05:00

Jean

She was a part-time driver where I worked, and she would come in as necessary when we were swamped. "I live just down the road," she would say; "if you need me, just call me."
She appeared to have had a difficult life, and it made her attitude pessimistic toward the world and life in general. "Don't get old, your children leave, you have aches and pains, and no one cares." she would tell me. "Just don't get old. Me, I'm old as dirt."
For some reason she took a liking to me, she called me her daughter, saying at first that I was the only teenager she knew who could be quiet. "Daughter!" she would call and wrap her arms around me, causing quizzical looks among our co-workers. "I haven't seen ya in a while! Hey, tell me if your parents ever want to be rid of ya, I'll adopt ya." She lived alone with her cat.
She needed some one to reach out to her; and I could have been that some one...
She died suddenly last week after surgery. She is gone, and I could have been there for her, but I wasn't.
It makes me look at the world differently, how do I know what is ahead? Who could need me? Who is there for me to reach out to? Life is a breath, it is given, and we never know when it may be taken away... and sometimes we remember this too late.
Maybe the last thing Jean did helped me to open my eyes more to the world around me. She would like that.

Boys, Boys, BOYS!!!

2006-11-13T22:32:00.000-05:00

Well, today I have the day off from school, it happens that my siblings have a day off as well, and I am seeing how much I am missing by being gone from home so much! For instance, my brothers have been so wound up today, they have been running around the house like crazy. "Give it back or I will give you 50 lashes with a wet fish!!" yelled Jesse. "Jesse??!!" I said, shocked. "Well" was all he answered, and he followed in close pursuit after Jonathan.
I was doing laundry, and I found Jon's pants with a heavy padlock fixed to the belt loop. "Jon, I need the key to your padlock, or it will bump around in the dryer." I called. "Oh," he answered, "I lost the key." He LOST the KEY??!! WHY did he even need a padlock fixed to his belt loop in the first place??!! I tried as best as I could to pad up the extra weight and put it in his pocket, yet the dryer is still going bump, bump, bump...
Kevin, the two year old, dumped Mom's sewing basket on the floor. "Kevin, pick up your mess." I told him. "Not wight now" he answered. Picture this... my two year old brother with his baby face saying with his baby voice, "Not wight now." WHERE did he come up with that?? "Yes, Kevin, right now!"
Jesse and Jon were still running around the house, so I gave them each a chore. "I'm so tired," Jonny muttered as he headed toward the dishwasher, seconds after chasing his older brother with a toy held in a threatening position.
Stephen and Michael were having a disagreement with Julia. "You should hear what happened to the last cousin who said that to us!" Michael teased. "Yeah," Stephen joined in, "They're buried out in the swamp." No way, are these MY angelic brothers saying these shocking things??
Yes, today I am very aware of the fact that boys will be boys, and I guess that is what makes them so much fun. And believe it or not, I think I need days off from school more often to enjoy my brothers, for they will grow up so fast, and I will grow to miss the noise, the messes, and the constant teasing. That is, until I hear, "Hey Jen, you know, those hair sticks really make you look like you have an antenna." Boys WILL be boys!
(written Monday, November 6th)

Fear... It's a Scary Thought

2006-11-12T17:17:00.001-05:00

I have been afraid of many different things since I was little. My "fear list" has included bats, (the flying mammal kind,) doctors, winks unaccompanied by a smile, librarians, tall men with mustaches, any step higher than the 3rd on a ladder, the color red, rice-a-roni (yes, really!) driving in sleet, being an old maid, spiders in the shower, any of my brothers creeping up behind me on a dark night, and angry underfed green kangaroos carrying monkey wrenches. (Okay not really... but it's a scary thought! :)

More recently my fears have been more of a different type. I tend to worry much too hard about what people think and how they interpret my words or actions. I make blunders, or think I do, and then agonize over how it came across. I am afraid of what people think. I am also afraid of my future, I am afraid of making a unrepairable mistake, I am afraid of being hurt, I am afraid of hurting others.

Yes, I have many fears, and I suppose there will always be something to be afraid of - yet He gives me the promise that I can trust Him when I am afraid. The hard thing is letting go of what I want enough to trust Him. My Lord tells me not to be afraid and He promises never to leave me or forsake me, (Deuteronomy 31:6.) He promises to keep me in perfect peace; as long as my mind is stayed on Him. (Isaiah 26:3.) He reminds me, "The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" (Psalm 118:6.)

If I believe that my Lord is in control, and that He keeps His promise to work all things together for good; I have no right to tremble and fear.

Dear Lord, give me the real, childlike trust in You that doesn't question the paths You are leading me on. Help me to let go of my fears, and fix my eyes on You, trusting that You are in control and that You do keep Your many precious promises. Thank you for the promise to be here with me, and to work out even the confusing difficult situations for good.
In Jesus' name, Amen.

2006-11-11T12:01:00.000-05:00

Trust the Driver

I don't really like to drive. I mean; I put up with it, I am so grateful I can drive because I really couldn't get along without it. Yet I tend to confuse directions, and unlike other drivers, I will take the wrong exit twice in a row, or even more times before I get the correct directions down!
I have a friend who loves to drive around and get lost on purpose; I could never understand that, for getting lost frightens me, and I am always relieved when I come to familiar territory. You would think riding with my friend would scare me, but oddly enough, it never does. She absolutely loves to drive, getting lost is an adventure (for her,) and I can relax because of her confidence. I'm never afraid when my friend is behind the wheel.
My Lord is teaching me a good driving lesson these weeks to hang on and trust in Him. When I don't know where I am going, or where He is taking me, He guards my heart and mind with the "peace that passes all understanding." He promises to go with me, to never leave me or forsake me, and He knows the plans He has for me. He calls me to trust in Him when I am lost and don't understand; and I can just relax in the passenger seat as He gradually reveals our destination.
Because if my Lord knows where I am going, I don't need a road map!

2006-11-10T09:45:00.000-05:00

A Contractor for His House

This week in my devotional time, I was lead to read from Haggai. In chapter 1, verses 7-9, I read, "This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. Go up into the mountains and bring down timber and build the house, so that I may take pleasure in it and be honored," says the LORD. "You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?" declares the LORD Almighty. "Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house."
These verses convicted me, for I have been "busy with my own house," failing to build the house of my Lord. My life has been more important, for I have given my Lord whatever I had left over; which is never much. Although keeping to a form of devotional time and study, my life has certainly been my focus and concern. He has shown me this week, that in failing to build His house, I am missing out on blessings, spiritual ones for sure, but perhaps also temporal blessings.
Being convicted that I needed to get to work on His house, I prayed that His house would be my first thought and energy focus, and that I would be given the time necessary to build it. I have heard before, "Be careful what you pray for, He might give it to you." Well, whether in answer to my prayer or not; Wednesday I woke up violently sick with a stomach flu, there was no going to school that day!! Then Thursday my stomach was better, but I was down with a sore throat, which I still have today. My Lord granted me lots of extra time this week to study Him, and relax in His word. I pray that His house will always be my focus, and I will not miss out by being caught up in my own house.

2006-10-06T10:32:00.000-04:00

When I Am Old...

I met a wonderful old lady the other day. I was dropping off a friend, when she told me, " You have to come in to see Grandma's cat." Well, I saw the cat, it was the biggest cat I had ever seen, which was her reason for showing me; but "Tigger" wasn't the reason I stayed longer than I had planned. As soon as I met Tigger's owner, I knew I had found a treasure.
She smiled when we were introduced - she had a lovely smile, complete with smile wrinkles from doing it often. She hugged her granddaughter and laughed when the cat lay down to eat his dinner... he was so large he didn't stand up to eat. "He's my room-mate," she said, smiling.
We talked for a long time, she told me how her town used to look, and we found a common interest in journaling. When she showed us to the door, she apologetically said that she couldn't follow us out. "My daughter doesn't want me going down steps, she thinks I might fall," she explained.
Her peace and contentment and joy just showed on her face, and she was beautiful.
Sometimes I will see an elderly lady and just think; "I want to look like that when I am old." Someone once told me that our lives are revealed on our faces when we are old; and once we are aged we no longer hide our true selves. Perhaps that is true; for a tree is known by its fruit, and what we put into our lives will come out whether it is sooner or later.
"Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life." (Proverbs 16:31) There are so many elderly people I know whose righteous lives are an example and a blessing to all those they interact with. Maybe they aren't very mobile, perhaps they tire easily, maybe they are dealing with many medicines and doctor appointments; it doesn't affect the shining example of a life lived righteously.
And I want to look like that when I am old.

Life in a "Dream World" ... and No More Mr. Nice Guy

2006-10-05T19:39:00.000-04:00

"Oh, Jennifer! You are living in a dream world... there are no men like that!" I was at work in the flower shop, and the girls were discussing their boyfriends. When asked about mine, I laughingly said that I was waiting for my knight, and didn't want to date in the meantime. From previous discussions they already knew that I had high standards - which they considered impossibly high. "Get real, Jen!" "Are you expecting a prince riding a white horse??!!"

No, he doesn't necessarily have to be a prince, for a prince might soil his white gloves in changing a tire for me, and I can't quite picture a prince holding a dirty-faced child on his lap. And he doesn't have to ride a white horse; after all, my King rode a donkey.

The girls told me that all I needed to look for was a nice guy, making two incorrect assumptions; 1) That I wanted a nice guy, and 2) that I was looking for any man, nice or otherwise.
As far as nice guys go; I do respect them, and of course I like them; they are so nice! But I want my knight to be a good man, and there are times when being a "good man" does not mix with being a "nice guy." For instance; my Lord overturned tables in the temple and chased people with a whip - this simply is not a "nice guy" action! A good man will stand up for what is right, and although not always the most popular move, in the end he will be blessed for his firm convictions.

Then the question, am I looking for any man? The answer to that is no, for I believe that if my Lord wills for me to marry, that He will send the right man in His time: which is always perfect. If I marry, the "nice-ness" characteristic will not be at the top of my list; for I would want a good man - a man after my Lord's heart.
In the meantime; I need to keep in mind - that any man after His heart... would be looking for a woman after His heart.

2006-09-29T21:04:00.000-04:00

Of A's and Failures and IT

I have a confession to make that I have always been hesitant to admit... I am an A student. My GPA is a 4.0. I was never able to completely commiserate with other students when a particularly difficult test was given, for I would usually still scrape by with my A, while the rest would be concerned about passing. If a fellow student moaned about getting a D, I would sympathetically say that I didn't do as well as I hoped, which would be true.
It's not that I'm necessarily smarter than most people; it's just that I have never been able to be satisfied with less than an A since I started college. It's almost a handi-cap, for stress increases when it is focused on safely finishing each course with an A, rather than simply passing. And then what do I say when a friend tells me he can't stand people who don't study and complain when they get a B? (I just smiled and kept my mouth shut.:)
So I came to expect that I would always finish with A's throughout my college career, my A average seemed indestructible.
Then IT happened. IT was a 67 on my first Cost Accounting exam. Not only was it not an A, but it was a D, the first ever of my experience! I had never gotten a C before, let alone a D! And to crown it all, 7 points out of my grade were given to me as a bonus. This was something that was never supposed to happen, not to me.
However, I found that IT taught me a lesson. My grade showed me that not only is my A average not indestructible, but I am not indestructible. I am fallible, I am human, and confidence in myself ultimately leads to disaster.
My 67 was necessary, for it was a lesson that I needed to hear, painful though it was. I am who I am through the grace of God, and in desperate need of His grace every day of my life. I am reminded of Philippians 3:3, where Paul says, "For it is we who are the circumcision, we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh."
Confidence in myself, my flesh, is never enough, for I will always fail if put to the test. I want my confidence to be in and from my Lord, for He alone is all-powerful, all-knowing, all-mighty.
And my Lord will never fail me.

2006-09-28T21:58:00.000-04:00

The Words of the Worship

What does it mean when we sing, “All to Jesus I Surrender.” Are we really surrendering our all to him? Or do we simply sing the words, not realizing what we are saying? Are we singing a lie, not prepared to submit all details of our lives to His authority?
How sad this is, that we can stand in church and be so blinded to what we are singing that we don’t realize the sheer impact of the promises we are making. “All to Thee I freely give;” this means giving up our desires, our wants, perhaps everything we ever wanted out of life. In return, we have Him. Maybe He does not require us to give up everything greatly desired, but the key is; we must be willing to do so for Him. Abraham was asked to sacrifice his only son, the child of his old age, the promise of future generations. Imagine the anguish in this decision. Yet, he was obedient to the Lord even then, and when he proved this he was given back his son.
“Jesus, all for Jesus;” Are we willing to give up all for Jesus? What about the minor details? Would we lose an hour of sleep for Jesus? What about curbing our spending in order to dedicate more resources to Him? What about the major details? Would we radically change our goals in order to fit His plan?
“You’re all I want;” Is this true in our lives? Do we gain satisfaction in doing His will, or are other things necessary for our happiness?

Dear Lord, be all I want. Let my desires surrender to Your will for me, my plans conform to Yours. Be my all in all; my everything. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

2006-09-26T22:04:00.000-04:00

My Identity... as His Daughter

Who am I? What is my identity, how do I define myself? I know my name, but who does it stand for? This is the name I received at birth, I had little choice in the matter, yet from that time on my personality began to develop...
I am a daughter, a granddaughter, an older sister, a cousin, a niece. I am an accounting major, I am a florist, I am a bookkeeper, I am a pianist, I am a cook. There are many names I have been called; including "the good girl," "the weird one," "the dreamer," "Jeb," "Doppers," "Jempf," "Jenny-girl," "sweetie," "smiley," "Amish girl," (I'm not Amish) and "ditsy brunette," (don't ask) along with other names better not remembered.:)
I've been called an idealist, emotional, moody, crazy, smart, an idiot, self confident, insecure, a worrier, and enough other conflicting terms to cause serious personality issues! The question becomes; which of my names or personality features is required for me to be me? Would taking any one aspect away result in an identity crisis? What happens when I change from a daughter to a wife to a mother to a grandmother, does my family role define who I am?
In a way, it does; for I am my Father's daughter. I am adopted into the family of God, and blessed in being called His daughter as well as His handmaiden. The two relationships to my Lord fit so well together, for it is natural for a daughter to delight in serving her Father.
Strip me of my talents, faults, career, and academic strivings; with His help I won't have an identity crisis. For this is not how I define who I am...
I want who I am, to be completely wrapped up in Who He is.
For I'm His daughter, and I find my identity in Him.